Reader Question – Wanking


Okay, so we have our first Reader Question submitted by email. To submit your question click the big red question mark in the side bar to the right and fire off an email.

This question comes from a 24 year old student from Cambridge…

“You’ve written about guys wanking to porn with other guys, isn’t this cheating if you’re in a relationship?!

And that’s a good question.

I’ve actually seen this asked before and seen it debated with various responses.Ultimately, it depends on the relationship you have. If you know that simply being naked in the company of another guy would be frowned upon by your girlfriend/partner/wife, then it is cheating.

Any action can be deemed to be being “unfaithful” depending on the relationship that you are in. It all depends on the perception of the person you are in a relationship with. Some people think that admiring another person or viewing pornography is being unfaithful, while others might think that you having a wank with another guy is just guys being guys.

I know I might be criticized for suggesting such a thing, but in my view it is a mark of insecurity for a person to be too concerned in this area. That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.

In my own view, if there is no threat to the relationship, and no desire to seek activity outside of that relationship, there should be nothing to be concerned about. But this opinion does not override the perception of the person you are with. They are the one you care about, so if they say that having a wank with another guy is cheating, so be it.

Every relationship is different, and while you or I might think that having a wank with a mate is nothing to be concerned about, a partner might think otherwise, and they are person who gets to decide if they are emotionally harmed by your actions.

You have to consider if they would be hurt. Have they stated that this is fine? Have they indicated that it’s no big deal? Have you talked about it?

It’s better to get these things out of the way early on. If you intend to make such activities a part of your life or if they are already, it’s far better to raise the subject than to make it even more of a big deal when you’re caught out doing something you “assumed” would be fine.

Raise the subject in a subtle way. Perhaps retell a “story” from a friend and gauge opinion. Maybe directly raise the question of it being “cheating” or not. If they state categorically that it is cheating, you’re out of luck. If they agree (and most modern partners probably would) that it is just guys being guys, then you’re okay.

Most of all, never assume. You choose to be in a relationship, and you should respect them enough not to ever do anything that could remotely upset them.